Performance Without Safety Isn’t Leadership—It’s Control

We talk about governance, culture, performance. But what about the cost of environments that shut down human emotion?

I once worked in an environment so brutal, my leader told me to go home—or go cry in the stairwell—when I showed any emotion.

This was quite a few years ago now, back when I was still a junior in the governance world—trying to do the right thing, raise the right flags, and find my feet in systems that didn’t always reward integrity.

Let me be clear: I wasn’t falling apart.

I was simply showing I was human by raising several risks that I knew were about to be realised.

But the message was clear—emotion was inconvenient, weakness unwelcome. And ironically, it was the very person responsible for creating those conditions who dismissed my response to them.

I wasn’t supported. I was silenced.

And like so many of us, I tried every version of survival.

✔️ I tried playing nice.

✔️ I tried playing politics.

✔️ I even tried playing dead—keeping quiet, withdrawing, staying in my lane.

None of it worked.

Because the issue wasn’t me. The issue was the environment.

It was minimising. It was controlling. It demanded performance while slowly eroding the very humanity it claimed to “support.”

Here’s the thing we don’t talk about enough in governance: the cost of emotional suppression in toxic workplaces.

When people aren't allowed to feel—let alone express or process—it distorts not only culture, but decision-making. It reduces people to functions. And it sets up leaders to fail, especially the ones with heart.

I’m not confrontational by nature. But I’ve learned to stand in my truth, and it’s this:

We cannot build governance that works if people have to leave parts of themselves at the door.

So if you're leading a Board, a team, a business—ask yourself this:

💭 What are you really creating?

💭 Is your governance enabling truth, or just control?

💭 Would someone feel safe saying, “I'm not okay” in your environment?

Because if the only option is the stairwell… you’ve already lost more than you think.

And if you happen to be the one in that environment right now—the one raising red flags, being minimised, or made to feel like you are the problem—please hear this:

You're not broken. You're discerning.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is recognise that no amount of high performance will protect you in a culture that punishes truth and emotion.

You don’t have to play nice, play politics, or play dead.

But you do get to choose:

✔️ to speak up

✔️ to set boundaries

✔️ or, when needed, to walk away and put your energy into a space that actually sees and respects you.

That choice is yours—and it’s a powerful one.

With heart,

Lisa

Founder, The Governance Collective

PS: If this stirred something in you—good. That means something inside is ready to shift.

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